sábado, 8 de febrero de 2014

I feel i am being ignored, am i crazy?

You know, when you have a great friend, one of those friends that likes a lot of the stuff you like. The kind of friend that gets your jokes and movie references and is there for you in the hard times? i have one, at least i think i used to have one.

For a time now, i feel this friend has been ignoring me, sure thing, i can understand work schedules and arriving home with a desire to rest and relax, nothing wrong with that. But what happens when you see raptr notifications pop up in your desk as he starts to play an MMO and hops on ventrilo to talk with others as he plays.

I could understand if he could not alt tab to reply to my messages, i have been there, have done that. But what happens when he is also posting comments on facebook and checking weather websites, at the same time he is playing? Means he is alt tabbing and of course means he did notice there's new messages on skype.

This is not new, for several months i realized that if i needed to talk to my friend, i had to log in as he won't reply to me otherwise, this of course made me hate Final Fantasy XI, hated that he only cared to talk of XI all the time and nothing else but the damn MMO.

When you know someone for over seven years, even if it's online, you get to know them. Because you both trust each other, trust them with stuff you won't tell to others. You get to know their good and bad sides, what they like and dislike. Thereoff you notice when they talk (in this case type) and behave differently.

Days ago i was having some terrible days, as i struggle with depression, i sent this message:

[2/4/2014 1:02:30 AM] Mario: been having some terrible days, been going in a downhill depression in the last days, been hard not having no1 to talk, i know you have been busy but cant deny i feel i may bore you or annoy you with the stuff i say and well is easier to ignore me, cant shake that feeling for some reason. not saying it's how it is but having that sort of thoughts with my current mood.

Never got a reply to that, at all. I don't know what i should feel, how i should react... i know it hurts, it the only thing i can say. After that i sent more messages via Skype, random topics, anime, videogames, same thing... never got a single answer.

After i told him i needed to talk to him and tog et back to me when he had the time i got a reply right away, a simple "?" which lead into a small chat, mainly about what he wanted to do, why he was quitting XI, etc. But he really never asked what i wanted to talk about.

You know when you are trying to start a chat, open a  topic, trying to have a conversation, and that someone just reply "no" or "meh" and dont say nothing more at all? you realize that person doesnt want to talk to you no matter what you say... it is hard, because that someone is no longer the friend you enjoyed to talk to, the friend that did stuff with you but no longer start a chat or invite you to do anything with him.

How i feel? this video can explain it better:

So, i am just going crazy here? i dont know...